Showing Compassion on the First Day of School

Kids are headed back to school. First day of school pictures are plastered all over Facebook and everyone looks so cute. It's fun to see my friends children grow each year. My oldest is headed back to preschool this year for the four year old class and he is so excited. Three half days seems to be about perfect for him (and me) right now.

This week, I was talking to someone whose little one was off to 1st grade this year. She was mocking the Kindergarten parents for the tears and the emotion as they sent their babies into a big new school on a new adventure. She was talking about how "the first grade parents were laughing and rolling our eyes". She talked about a first grader who was crying about leaving her dad to go into the school building on the first day and that this child was "too old for this" behavior.

I don't know. I guess because I haven't sent my babies to Kindergarten I may not be qualified to say. I just think it is OK to be in the moment, both for kids and parents, at any grade. First graders are just 5 or 6 years old. If the child has been home with a parent on a babysitter they really love, it can be overwhelming to go back to school. There might be something at school that they remember from last year that scares them, or it might be hard, or they might just be nervous about something new.

Here is the thing, parents of Kindergartners have always had big emotions around the first day of school including trepidation, anxiety, excitement, love, hope, joy, sadness.

 It is always OK for you to feel your emotions. 

Experience them fully, this is what living is supposed to be. 

What I would then hope, is that each one of us shows some compassion for these parents and kids while they work through these feelings and big life events without mocking or bullying, or making them feel less than. Yes, when you can see it from the other side, it seems so much more manageable, maybe even less important. Maybe you weren't a parent who cried on the first day of school and sat in the parking lot for an hour. Maybe your child turned and waved goodbye and skipped through the front door with confidence. Maybe you had to pry your sweet baby off your leg and guiltily race to the car so they could get their day started. Each of these situations is personality, family, and situation dependent but the similarity is that everyone had a first day experience. No two were alike. No two family situations are the same and most importantly no two parents or children are the same.

So cherish your experience as your own with your child. Cry, hug, smile, act brave... whatever you feel like doing and do it with Love, deep love. And don't worry what the first grade parents think, they were just there a year ago.

Sick kids

Warning: Very large soapbox ahead

Let’s get right to the center of the argument.  

If your kids are sick, keep them home. I’m talking home from day care, home from school, home from the grocery store, church, family functions, play dates, birthday parties, and restaurants.

There are several reasons this will benefit everyone… 

1.       Kids that are sick are more likely to misbehave because they feel crappy. 

It is hard enough to “be good” sitting at a table in a restaurant when everyone feels well and happy. I don’t know about you, but eating out at this point is an adventure. I never know quite what will happen next. However, when my 21 month old has a headache that he can’t tell me about, a nose that won’t stop running or is so red and sore that it hurts to wipe it gently, or is tired from being up in the night because he can’t breathe, he is bound to act… well… sick. He is more grumpy, less patient, and less tolerant of the little things that might happen when we are out of our routine. When adults don’t feel well, they don’t perform as well in life roles. We all get crabby from time to time and being sick magnifies this. It is unfair to children to expect them to behave in situations that are a bit tricky anyway when they don’t feel good.

2.       Sharing germs isn’t kind.

I am NOT on the “come on over for a chicken pox play date” bandwagon. In fact, I have barricaded my door to that theory. My kids will get sick and that is all normal. I’ve read the information and I work in the medical field. I realize illness builds immunity but I will not purposefully expose my children to disease. If your child is sick, give me a heads up. I will politely reschedule, decline the play date, drop off the birthday present or excuse my sons and myself from the situation. I don’t think less of you or your child because you can’t attend the party or the get together. I appreciate and respect your honesty and compassion for myself, my children and your own family. In the same way, know that my declining your invitation if I have a sick little boy is not meant to be hurtful, my baby just needs to rest up and get well.

3.       Having sick kids is exhausting… for the grownups and the child.

You may have a 13 year old who can wipe their own nose and cover their own cough and make it to the bathroom every time. I do not. I would bet that you can remember the days of having a baby or toddler who was up all night every time they had a bug. When my child catches your child’s cold, I am up all night rocking, snuggling, and comforting. I will never turn down cuddles, not even in the middle of the night, but there is something about having a sick child that is exhausting, on top of the typical exhaustion of parenting. I know you remember it. And then the second baby gets it. Rinse and repeat.

4.       Not all children have a strong immunity.

I am blessed with two healthy boys. I am lucky. There are families who have children with compromised immune systems and they take every precaution to protect their children while still allowing them to be kids. Cancer treatments, syndromes, and limited mobility and/or respiratory function, among others, can cause decreased immunity. The world will expose us to bacteria, viruses, infections, and diseases daily, just by stepping outside, no need to add to the list.

I get it. It isn’t always easy. Parent’s employers often don’t allow for time off for illness, let alone to take care of sick children. Children can be “sick” before the symptoms show up. I am simply pointing out that kids act like kids. They have little to no personal bubble, they wipe noses on the backs of their hands, they share toys and snacks and play closely together. They will get colds and stomach bugs and they will recover. Allowing children time to heal in a safe, comfortable place for them is kind and compassionate. They need the rest and the care and the downtime so they can be back out in the yard and at school playing with voracity. So stay home and enjoy the snuggles and the naps when necessary.

Green Pancakes

At our house, we don't believe in hiding foods such as vegetables in other more kid friendly foods. We do believe in letting kids help and taste and create the food for the family. It is no secret that spinach is what makes these pancakes green! E watched me rinse and dry the spinach leaves, pack them into the measuring cup and whir them into a green liquid with the other ingredients in the  blender.

These are a bit more savory that traditional pancakes but were quite good with a bit of Earth Balance spread and a squeeze of honey.

Green Pancakes

Spinach Pancakes? I'm kinda worried that you're going to want to skip this recipe based on the name, but I beg you to give these pancakes a try. I originally made them as a St. Patrick's Day-themed recipe for my monthly "Snack Mom" column in the...

Spinach Pancakes? I'm kinda worried that you're going to want to skip this recipe based on the name, but I beg you to give these pancakes a try. I originally made them as a St. Patrick's Day-themed recipe for my monthly "Snack Mom" column in the...

Ingredients

• 1 Tbsp coconut oil + 2 Tbsp water + 2 tsp baking powder
•  1 cup packed fresh spinach
• 1 cup original unsweetened almond milk
• 1 tablespoon refined coconut oil
• 1 cup white whole wheat flour
• 1/4 cup sugar
• 1 teaspoon baking powder
• 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/2 teaspoon salt

Preparation

1. In a small bowl combine 1 Tbsp coconut oil + 2 Tbsp water + 2 tsp baking powder and let sit for one to two minutes.
2.  In a blender, combine the spinach, almond milk, and oil and the above mixture and blend until smooth.
3. In a separate bowl, whisk together the remaining ingredients.
4. Stir the wet ingredients into the dry ingredients until just combined.
5. Heat a large pan over medium heat and grease. 
6. Pour about 2 tablespoons of the pancake mixture onto the griddle, making as many pancakes as will fit and cook for 2-4 minutes depending on the heat of your stove.
7. Flip the pancakes when bubbles begin to appear and cook or 2 minutes or until cooked through.
8. Serve with Earth Balance spread and Agave or Maple syrup or honey.

Vegan "Meatball" Subs

First of all.. I just want to say that as soon as my brother sees this post (providing he ever reads my blog, wink wink) he will send me a text that says, "those are not meatballs. They cannot be called meatballs." Semantics. Anywho, these came about because I had an abundance of leftover marinara that I had pulled from the freezer. I didn't think it would be wise to freeze it... again. I asked P what he could think of to use it for. This is a bit funny because usually he looks at me and says something like, "can't you find something on Pinterest?"Ahaha. This time he said (without hesitation) "Meatball Subs". Well, ok then.  Excellent idea, except that I don't think I have ever had a meatball sub... in any form. Hmmmm. Despite this fact as well as the extra toasty buns, I thought these were quite good.

Meatball Sandwich

For the tomato sauce

•  1 medium onions, peeled and minced 
•  vegetable broth for sauteing
• 1 cloves garlic, peeled and minced 
•  2 cups canned crushed or diced tomatoes, along with their juice
• 3/4 tablespoon tomato paste
• 3/4 teaspoons salt
• 3/4 teaspoons dried oregano 
•  1/4 teaspoon crushed red pepper flakes
• one bay leaf 
• 1/4 teaspoon brown sugar 

For the Lentil "Meatballs"

        This made enough for 5 sandwiches and then freezing an entire second meals worth

• 2 cups cooked lentils (I used one package of Melissa's brand precooked because I had them in the fridge
• Salt and Pepper
• Vegetable Broth for sauteing
• 1/3 Red Onion, finely chopped
• 2 tsp Minced Garlic (or one clove)
• 1/2 Zucchini, finely chopped
• 12 Baby carrots finely chopped
• 1 Celery Stalk, finely chopped
• 2 tsp Dried Parsley
• 1/2 cup Bread Crumbs
• 1 T Ground Flax Seed
• 2 T Vegan Worcestershire Sauce
• 1/2 tsp each Paprika, garlic powder, Italian Seasoning
• 1 T Garbanzo flour (or regular if not gluten free) plus 1 T water

Additional Ingredients

Daiya Cheese

Gluten Free Vegan Hoagie Buns

For the tomato sauce

- Sauté the onions in vegetable broth in large saucepan. Season them with salt and black pepper, stir frequently, until the onions start to become translucent. Add the garlic and cook until the onions are completely soft

- Add the canned tomatoes, the tomato paste, salt, dried oregano, red pepper flakes, the bay leaf and the sugar, and let simmer for 10 to 12 minutes over low heat, stirring occasionally. Set aside.

- Heat the sauce with the meatballs in it until everything is warmed through. If the sauce is very thick, it can be thinned with a bit of warm water.

For the Lentil “Meatballs”

- Place the lentils to a large mixing bowl. Mash them with a fork, potato masher or your hands until they are completely mashed.

- Heat a large skillet and add the vegetable broth. Sauté the onions for about 5 minutes until translucent.

- Add the rest of the vegetables and the garlic, salt and pepper. Sauté about 6 minutes until the veggies are soft.

- Add the veggies to the mixing bowl with the lentils.

- Add the parsley, bread crumbs, flaxseed, Worcestershire sauce, and spices.

- In a small bowl, put garbanzo flour. Add 1 Tbs. of water and mix into a loose paste. This will help to hold the mixture together. Add to the bowl.

- Mix everything well. I used clean hands, which seemed to be the best option. If the texture seems too wet, add more bread crumbs. If it feels too dry add water.

- Wet your hands, scoop up about 2 Tbs. worth of the mixture (more or less depending what size you like your meatballs) and shape into a ball.

- Place them in a casserole dish or on a cookie sheet lined with parchment paper.

- Cook for 20 minutes at 375 degrees watching closely and turning halfway through.

- Turn on broiler after 20 minutes and broil for a minute or two to get a bit more browned. WATCH CLOSELY.

- Pull from the oven and cut one open to check for doneness. Meatballs should be well heated all the way through.

To make sandwiches, take hoagie buns, cut open almost all the way through. Slice some of the meatballs in half and put them between the bread, pressing down with a fork a bit. Top with a small amount of  shredded Daiya and heat in 400º oven or under the broiler, until the cheese melts. WATCH CLOSELY (I only know this from experience. See photo.)

Round and Round

I get so tired of the working parent vs stay at home parent debate. Stay at home mom's work hard, all day long. There is no debate. Working mom's work hard too, all day long. The argument that stay at home mom's are "on" and "giving" all day long is true but the insinuation that working mom's aren't and don't is gut wrenching to me.

My family is blessed to be in a position for one parent to be home with our boys all the time. My husband has taken over that role with grace. He never complains and he spends every waking moment each day "on call". He plays, and plays, and plays, changes messy diapers, builds ramps and train tracks, reads stories, makes breakfast and lunches and keeps the peace (mostly). I am sure he is tired and there are days where I know he watches the clock so that he can hand over the baby and pass on the 4 year old "baton" as soon as I pull in the driveway. I certainly can't blame him.

We are lucky, but we also make sacrifices, just like other families. We don't drive fancy new cars. In fact, I am pretty sure the "check-engine" light has been on in at least one of our cars without exception for over 10 years. Ha. We don't take grandiose vacations. We moved into a less expensive house. We eat out very rarely, and it is certainly a treat. We really are fortunate to make it work because there are certainly those who cannot.

These thoughts and feelings stemmed from a blog post I recently read from a mom about "taking a break". Actually, I read half of it and then I got frustrated and quit reading. Her point was that when she asks for a "break", it doesn't mean margaritas by the pool and the latest issue of Cosmo magazine. It means 30 minutes of time where nobody needs anything and she can get something done (a quick workout, a load of laundry, a chapter in a book)... in peace. Oh, how I understand that. I am not looking for a day at a spa or a weekend with the girls in a hotel. I am honestly, not even sure this would be possible for me, at this point. I would feel pretty guilty about spending the time and money but that is a whole different issue for another day.

I feel pulled in every direction all the time, to work, to earn a paycheck, to keep our health insurance, to make a half-hearted attempt to keep the house clean, dishes, laundry, groceries. I work so hard at work, where patients, families, coworkers, suppliers, and insurance companies need something all the time. When I come home, the little boys needs are hungry and tired and grumpy and both want to be held while I make dinner (if only I had 4 arms and bigger biceps). I certainly also owe it to my marriage to give my time, efforts, and attention to my husband as well.

There are so many things that I day dream of...
I really want to pick up my 4 year old at preschool at noon each day. I want to see the sleepy smiles in the mornings and feed them their breakfasts. I want to take them to the park, watch them play in the sandbox, create little crafts with them and read their stories over and over. Instead, I cram those things in on Saturday and Sunday between getting groceries and doing laundry and nap time. I relish the snuggles I get on those weekend days.... but I can't help dream of adding more time with them.

2015

I am not a New Years person. I never go out on New Years Eve. I never raise a glass to another new year. I never even see the clock flip to midnight. In fact, I pray fervently that my kiddos will be soundly, safely sleeping in their beds come the middle of the night. I realized that P and I have never seen the New Year in together in the time we have known each other. Some may say that is boring. I prefer to think of it as refreshing. I have no desire to see January 1st in with a hangover.

I also don't make New Years resolutions. I have always thought that if you want or need to make a change, it doesn't matter if it is Sunday or October. Just start right now. This year, however, I decided to try something a bit different. I will be setting mini goals each month. Resolutions, challenges, goals, however you would like to say it for 30 days. These will be driven by what I hear from my body. January is 30 days of no refined sugar. This has really good quite well, considering my sweet tooth. I am 11 days in and feeling good. Ironically, someone told me yesterday that he read that if a person drinks one can of soda per day that adds up to 60 lbs of sugar a year. Wow. It is in everything, ketchup, bread, pickles, pizza sauce, peanut butter. On the upside, I can make all of those things myself without sugar and they taste great. Phew.

I haven't decided if I will continue with each month's challenge after the month is over just adding the subsequent challenge or if I will replace it but that really isn't the point.

Looks to me like it is going to be an exciting year.

Yoga

It's been a very long week... and it is Thanksgiving... and I got blasted at work yesterday by a couple of tough cases which aren't resolved.

And all I want to do is practice yoga. All the time. Sun salutations, moon salutations, arm balances, meditation, relaxation, twists (yes! mostly twists), hip openers, standing balances... the list goes on.

And then I realized that yoga isn't just asanas/postures. I knew this. I have been told this. We learned it in class but apparently I have to really come to the realization on my own.  It is eight limbs with the meditation and postures being just two of the eight.

Why do I feel like yoga postures are what I need? Funny, that is the second limb, Niyama or self observation.

Is it because I am looking for sense withdraw (Pratyahara) or Dharana (Concentration) or do I think that it might help me attain a level of Samadhi (state of joy and peace)?

I don't even know today. All I know is that doing Camel pose where my heart and throat chakra are wide open is not pleasant and Warrior II when I am strong and Tree where I am balance and grounded with my branches low feels perfect.

Maybe it is time to move to Tibet.